The Eternal Notebook of a Silent Man

***TW: SA, TRANSPHOBIA*** Robert sat on the floor of his elementary school bathroom. Blood dripped from his nose, and his head and right eye throbbed. Tears dripped down his face, which was buried in his knees, and the taste of blood filled his mouth. The voices of three of his peers echoed in the hall outside the bathroom, slowly decreasing in volume as they walked further away. He shivered from the cold air hitting his naked skin, his clothes were thrown onto the floor only a few inches away, but Robert couldn’t move. All he could do was sit there, rocking slightly back and forth silently. He sat there for the remainder of the school day; from the end of the second period to the end of the eighth, he rocked silently, staring at the floor.  16 years later… Robert sat on the edge of an old bed with a gold-colored metal frame; his stomach, chest, and back ached. Naked, cold, and afraid, his hands grasped the edge of the mattress tightly as he shivered. The warmth of his tears, the taste

Hannah stands in a small, sunlit room staring at herself in the mirror. She tries to count the scars on each of her arms but can’t keep track. She is thirty years old today, but no one calls or texts. There is no “Happy Birthday” or card to joke about getting old. Just a woman standing naked in a mirror, staring at scars from all the times she’s dragged a sharp enough object along her skin. ╌ Hannah stands in her bedroom, surrounded by pink walls and posters of boy bands. She stares at herself in the mirror, she tries to count the scars on each of her arms, but she can’t keep track. She is sixteen today, but no one calls or texts. Her parents are gone again, another ‘business trip’ to god knows where. ╌ Hannah stands on a step stool in the bathroom, she tries to count the freckles on her face, but she can’t keep track. She is seven today. She is wearing her favorite pink dress, and her mom is taking her on a shopping trip to the mall with her friends. She calls herself beautiful.